He liked to set on the sofa, drinking his beer, watching whatever happened to be on the channel at the time. After a couple of beers, he would eventually pull up his t-shirt, wink, and say “how about scratching my back?”
She, dutifully, would comply. One day, he said “lie down and I will scratch your back. The “scratching” became more of a massage. And, the “massage” was not restricted to her back. At first she felt uncomfortable, but then it felt good to have her back massaged … until his hands moved lower. The “bad” feeling surfaced again. She was ashamed to feel “good” for a few minutes. The “bad” feeling went to shame, and then an empty feeling surfaced. She didn’t really like this. She knew this couldn’t be right. It didn’t last long. He quickly stopped and told her to “sit up.” In a less than a moment, her mother came through the door, unsuspecting of what had just occurred.
She got up and went to her room and sat on the bed, staring at the floor. She didn’t like what had just happened. She didn’t like it because, for a moment, it actually felt nice. She didn’t like it because that must mean that she was bad. No, she didn’t like it … even though her step-father would tell her how pretty she was and how much he loved her. She didn’t like it … but, she would never tell. She didn’t want anyone to get mad at her. She was nine, and this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.
There is certainly nothing wrong with human contact between child and either parent. In fact, the more they are held, hugged, squeezed, and told they are loved, the better. But … there is also the human contact of the worse kind. It’s not easy to always determine when improper contact is being made toward your children, but with a little common sense you can protect your child.
Having a spouse who is abusing alcohol or drugs, watches or reads questionable material, and makes sexual innuendoes in front of your children, may not be the one you want to leave with your child. To be honest, that person is probably not the person who should be in your home at all, in my personal opinion.
The best thing we can do for our children is to sit down with them and talk with them about child predators … before … something happens. Parents should make sure their children understand that no one has a right to touch them in their private areas. Children need to know … and believe … that they can immediately come to their parents, should something happen, or they feel uncomfortable around someone. Parents need to instill trust into their children.
Whether it is with my book, “The Promise Book; Tell Someone” or another book, whether it is simply having a quiet talk with them … you need to alert them … before a predator gets to them … first.
If you care, please share!
Debbie Barth: 01/12/2017 at 12:07:08 pm EDT
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According to a story in USA TODAY … Some school educators who find themselves faced with a teacher who has committed sexual misconduct with a student, will draw up a “settlement” arrangement with the family involved, silencing the family from speaking out, or a future law suit. The teacher involved is then free to go to a different school district for employment, confident that a “reference call” will not turn up his despicable actions during previous employment.
This process is called … “Passing the trash.”
(Excerpt from this story)
“Though passing the trash can be the most expeditious way for a school district to rid itself of a bad teacher — often helping avoid the cost of lawsuits or the burden of fighting teachers unions at termination hearings — the consequences for students can be devastating.
In an ongoing federal lawsuit, a former student testified that New Mexico elementary school teacher Gary Gregor repeatedly touched her legs in class and invited her to sleep in his bed with him. Gregor, who has denied the allegations in the civil suit, resigned from another school district where he was accused of engaging in similar behavior. He declined to comment due to the pending litigation.
“I was a little girl. I thought I could trust adults, right?” the former student said in a deposition. “I can’t trust anyone.” “
We don’t want situations like this to happen with our children. We certainly don’t want our children to not “trust anyone.” We want them to trust YOU … their parent or guardian.
Please talk with your children as early as possible about child predators! You need to start early. Child predators are everywhere … and, they … start early.
“Together, we are pulling out the weeds!”
Debbie Barth: 01/04/2017 at 5:34:03 pm EDT
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Most parents are no longer under the misconception that their children are entirely safe in schools, these days. And, they would be right to feel this way … but, perhaps … there are even more reasons for concerns over your child’s safety, than one may know. And, this problem may come as a huge surprise to you.
I am not talking about the bullying, or the gun-shooting incidences that are plaguing our schools. I am talking about the teachers with whom you place your child’s safety. Some of whom, sexually abuse your children, are caught, and, are allowed to “quietly” move on to other schools, sometimes, with a financial settlement. It’s called … “Passing The Trash.”
According to a recent story in USA Today, written by Steve Reilly, state education agencies across the country have ignored a federal ban on signing secrecy deals with teachers suspected of abusing minors, a practice informally known as “passing the trash." These contracts hide details of sexual behavior and sometimes pay teachers to quit their jobs quietly. The secrecy makes it easier for troubled teachers to find new jobs working with children.
In the most comprehensive national review of teacher discipline to date, USA TODAY examined educator misconduct and licensure databases from every state, reviewed thousands of pages of court filings and employment records and surveyed state education officials to determine how teachers who engage in misconduct remain in the education system.
The findings include a New Jersey teacher who molested five elementary school students, an Oregon substitute teacher who reached under a table to touch a student’s genitals and an Illinois teacher who forced elementary students to eat food off his crotch. In each instance, the teacher had been disciplined for sexual misbehavior in a prior school district.
I will be posting more of their findings during the week. Below, however, is the entire story, from which I will be posting my information.
Have you had the “real” … first talk … with your young children, yet? The talk where you let them know that no one has a right to touch them in their private areas? The talk where you let them know that they can come to you at any time and you will listen to them … and stand by them? If not, I urge you to do so. It’s not going to get better for your child, once they are out of your sight. Indeed, it is my belief; it will only get worse … IF … we don’t stop the child predators. Together we can do this. Together … we can start pulling out the weeds!
Contributors at USA Today: Paul Berger, Jessica Campisi, Jacob Carpenter, Mark Nichols, Nick Penzenstadler, Christopher Schnaars, Laura Ungar and Alison Young.
Thank you for reading my blog, today. If you like the vive … please subscribe!
Debbie Barth: 01/03/2017 at 3:1:03 pm EDT
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No one was home, except for her. No one was there to tell her, “no,” so she took the small bits of change she saw on the table and started her walk to the snow cone stand. It was just a few blocks and she figured she would get back before anyone knew she wasn’t home.
She was about to cross the street when she heard a man, sitting in a black car in front of the small kiosk, calling to her. He was waving to her to come forward, but she wasn’t sure what he was saying, except for “can you help me.”
She was standing close to the car and looked through the open-window of the car. The man had unzipped his pants and was touching himself.”
She stepped back and started running towards home. Once there, she locked the doors and hoped her mother would be home soon. She put the money back on the table. She knew that no one would know what had just happened. She was not going to tell anyone.
After all … she was the one that took the money from the table and was disobeying her mother by leaving the house. And, she was the one who had walked up to that man’s car. No, she could not tell anyone, because clearly … this was her fault.
Unfortunately, this is how many children feel, when a traumatic event, like this, happens. Children are taught to reason what is and isn’t their fault. Usually, they will reason that whatever happened, in a situation like this … must be their fault, and they will get in trouble. Consequently, they do not tell anyone … but the nagging of that moment … the knots it puts in their stomach … will stay with them … long after the actual event.
Parents will never know exactly what happens when they are not with their children. They can’t always be there to supervise their children. But, they can prepare their children. They can talk with their children about child predators and what they do. They can instill the trust in their children (early on) that in cases like this, it is not their fault and they will not get in trouble for immediately telling someone what just happened to them. Children need to know they can “tell someone.”
Thank you for reading … and, “caring by sharing.”
Please contact me at email@example.com and share your story. I am listening.
11/18/2016 3:15 pm edt
It was a day … just like any other day. The walk home from elementary school … was like any other walk. Yes, it was like any other day … until she walked through the front door, into the living room.
He appeared to be asleep, with his face and body turned toward the back sofa cushions. He was completely undressed. He must have heard her come in, and knew that she was standing there. He turned over, looked at her … and smiled.
She was feeling uncomfortable, and yet, unable to move. He was lying there, undressed, now … staring at her. He had such a strange smile on his face. He told her to come closer. She did.
He took her hand and put on his … “private part.” It was so quite in the house. She couldn’t breathe. His smile became even wider, even stranger. And then … he let her hand go.
He said, “go change your clothes and go out and play.”
She ran to her room, closed the door, changed clothes hurriedly, and then ran through the kitchen and … out the back door. She wasn’t sure what had just happened … but … she was glad it was over.
What she didn’t know …was that it was just beginning ….
Unfortunately, child predators are often the people closest to the child. Please look for the signs. Trust your own instincts. And, protect your children. Don’t rely on them to tell you something is wrong. They won’t, unless you have talked to them, beforehand. Prepare them. Let them know … before it happens … that they can “tell someone,” no matter who the abuser is.
Thank you for reading … and, “caring by sharing.”
11/15/2016 1:13 pm edt