THE NEED FOR CONTROL. A CURSE OF ABUSE

I can’t speak for all who have suffered sexual abuse as a child … but … I do feel this will resonate with many.
 
I have had the need for control, to the point of which I was sometimes puzzled.  I don’t mean “control” over someone else … as much as I do … control over what affects me.  I have always had to lock my bedroom door … yes … all of my life, even now.  I also have to have some light in my room … even bedroom … while sleeping. 
 
I always felt I had to be in control of relationships.  I needed to be the one to call it off before someone else did.  I was my own worst enemy.  I needed space … lots of space (and, to some extent … still do) in a relationship. 
 
I hate being lied to or manipulated.  I’m sure most people do.  But with me … it’s something that can break a relationship, no matter how small the lie or innocent the “manipulation.”
 
For years, I was very guarded in my personal and my business relationships.  I did not allow people to get too close.  It’s really too bad, because I believe I missed out on so many wonderful people.  And, I know that I have, intentionally and unintentionally … hurt a few … on the way.
 
Why am I telling you this?  Because, I believe that much of this was brought on by sexual abuse, as a child.  I believe there are many others who recognized this in themselves. 
 
A child most often feels helpless, and confused when abused, especially if it’s someone they know.  Especially, I feel, if it’s an authority figure in their life.  A child can become so overwhelmed by this feeling of having no control in these situations … that lack of control can later become … an obsession … for control.
 
I admittedly still do have some control issues … overly cautious when out alone … locked doors … lights, etc. … but now … because of the wonderful people who surround me … including my very patient and tolerant, sweet, generous, (and funny) husband … I welcome new friendships, and I cherish those around me. I hold them close to me.  I am blessed.
 
But … I know there are many who never quite get through their anguish, frustrations, lack of self-esteem … and, uncommon need for control.  I am writing this for them.  I want them to know what they are feeling is not uncommon.  I’m hoping they will seek help and will open their hearts to others.
 
I want to make it clear that I do not feel everyone who shows signs of “needing control” have been sexually abused as a child.  That would be a fallacy.  I am saying that the “need for control” is something that does arise, often-times, when someone has been abused.
 
And … I am hoping that parents with children will talk with their children … at the earliest age one feels appropriate … about child predators.  I am hoping that, if you see this … it will give you a glimpse of what their lives could be … if the child predators get to them first.  I am hoping that parents make their children aware that they can come to them … about anything … and anyone … who attempts to touch them in ways that are not appropriate or that make them uncomfortable.  To arm your children with knowledge and security … is to disarm the child predator.